An important health & safety warning

When Axl Rose sung about the cold November rain, he was thinking of a weather system heading toward winter (and, it would seem, an emotionally-distant lover, the groupie with the great ass who got her hooks in way too deep).

In the southern hemisphere it’s a different story. Rain in November is just a momentary hiccup in a full-throttle charge toward sun-drenched summer bliss.

But a great danger lies in a weather pattern flip-flopping between ‘spank-me-it’s-hot!’ and ‘where-did-summer-go?’

So I’m sitting in the fish and chip shop on one of those overcast, drizzly evenings. The bell rings and a big guy strides in.

He’s wearing white socks and jandals (flip-flops, thongs, etc) and I instinctively think ‘fuck yeah’. He’s about 6′ 4” and 120 kgs so I figure he’s pretty much worn whatever he wants from about the age of 15.

Behind every sock+jandal combo is a story of immense personal angst and soul-searching. It is an unspoken statement of intent to the world: ‘okay, I’m willing to accept that it’s turned bloody cold again, but I’ll be fucked if I’m going to postpone summer any longer, the jandals are staying.’

Come hell or high water, and small deadly puddles, the jandal wearer almost without exception will boldly take nature on and stay the course.

The big guy’s inside now and stepping from the wet pavement to the vinyl interior I hear that awful squeaking sound of impending doom as one of his jandals shoots forward.

This is immediately followed by the small distressed grunt as he stabilises and feels the discomfort of slight tearing in his groin.

But today is fish and chip day and he’ll be damned if he’s gonna be stopped so close to the prize. He recovers expertly as only a veteran jandal-wearer can and, with great poise and dignity, orders his 3 fish and half scoop of chips.

So be careful Antipodeans, don’t just blindly dive headlong into summer without respecting the obligatory crap weather here and there.

Be patient, you’ll get your sunburn and barbies all in good time.