Chinese peasants are laughing at me

As far as I know, the Chinese are still using chopsticks.

I remember smugly laughing along with Seinfeld’s audience. ‘Ha! Stupid Chinese’.

But at dinner time yesterday, the joke was on me.

Who would have thought that one would bite down so forcefully upon soft poached eggs on toast? Total overkill.

And why didn’t I remove the fork from my mouth before biting down, as is the custom of our age?

The eggs were literally on my face as I spluttered and cursed and fished tooth fragments from my mouth.

So it turns out teeth are no match for hardy stainless steel, and now I’m too scared to eat. I may just have to purée all my food from now on.

On the plus side, I now look more like the greatest character in motion picture history.