The DVD is an embarrassment to our species

Take that, bitch!

I cannot overstate how furious I am at dvd technology. I don’t think I have ever rented a dvd that didn’t freeze up at precisely the climax of the film. Never during setup, only ever during pay off.

The most recent and most memorable freeze was during Elephant, a Gus Van Sant-directed film covering a US high school massacre. Right on cue, the final ten minutes – when the actual shooting takes place, the culmination of methodical and compelling set up – was a mess of perma-freezes and skipping.

I have dark fantasies of taking the panel of assholes who developed the dvd to an abandoned warehouse and getting reservoir dogs on their hineys.

A few years back I talked to a guy who worked in a video store (kings among men) who was lamenting the death of the VHS tape. He pointed out the huge advantages of having the tape hidden away and protected by the plastic casing, as compared to a surface that is completely vulnerable to damage.

Seriously, is the dvd a ghastly conspiracy run by the same people who killed the electric car? Why do we stand for it? It’s just plain dumb. We shell out truckloads of cash on dvds of beloved films, and poo ourselves worrying about them when we lend them out.

It just seems like, as a species, we should be a little further along than the dvd by now. I mean Blu-ray, c’mon, don’t make me melt faces with a sarcastic whoopedee doo!

How the shit did that get there?