Ban the Vuvuzela and recycle those sons of bitches

Top 3 better uses for the vuvuzela

I am easily the world’s number 1 ranked vuvuzela hater, but I don’t just want to be just another hater.

I prefer to see myself as the friendly face of vuvuzela haters.

Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t advocate leniency or mercy in any form. I’m no bleeding heart hippie peacenik.

I do want every face bearing a set of lips that has ever touched that infernal device slapped lustily several times.

(BTW, I am a long-time believer in the efficacy of a well-executed back handed slap)

Take that ass-suck!

But there’s no reason to contribute to the earth’s already bloated and stinky landfills with millions of plastic trumpets.

So here’s some constructive recycling ideas – My top 3 better ways to use them than ear-raping the world.

#1. Medical Aid: The Vuvuzela Colonic

Problem: You feel a pressing urge to cleanse your colon but object to the indignity of having a tube stuck up your arse.

Solution: Vuvuzela!

Nurse, I'm ready for my morning coffee, tee hee!

#2. Yard Glass Substitute

Problem: Your 21st birthday piss-up is fast approaching but your useless pot-smoking flatmate has smashed the incumbent yard glass.

Solution: Vuvuzela!

Go Smythsie! Go Smythsie! Go Smythsie!

#3. Fashion Accessory

Problem: You need to make an impact, be more dynamic, be about something.

Solution: Vuvuzela!

With these bad boys no one will notice the early signs of my veiny old lady arms